Moonraking

Basically i’d let myself go.  The usual story - 3 kids, pregnancies (not losing all the weight between), the breast feeding and a relationship which had gone past its best before date.  On top of that the smoking and other comforts.  Then one day you say “enough - I want to see these kids grow up and I want to be happy myself”

So changes were in order.  I amicably ended the relationship of nearly 20 years - and the kids are fine.  I think that is the hardest and most terrifying thing I have ever done in my life.  I’d been down for a long time, but had kept quiet about it - you know, chin up, stiff upper lip, that sort of thing.  I didn’t want to hurt anyone.  I cared deeply about them all - I had looked after them all, including the husband.  But it dawned on me that we could continue with me very unhappy and him oblivious - and the kids not exactly blind to it all, or I had to take a huge step and the responsibility/guilt/call it what you will, and change things and hope for the best.

So I dropped the bombshell last March, I wanted to get a place and make a new start, but he decided he wanted to be the one to move.  He left in September and moved a couple of miles away.  We get on fine and he sees the kids all the time.  It was difficult and stressful living together for those 6 months, but it gave us a lot of time to talk about stuff.  The worst fear was telling the kids.  Which bizarrely after a few tears all round was probably the easiest bit. 

Anyhow that chapter is all sorted - my eldest daughter (12) who was becoming a bit of a handful suddenly became a wonderful helpful girl - I think she’d been expecting the split for a while and it was a weight off her mind that it had actually happened and she could get on too.

So I quit smoking in October.  And now it’s high time I sorted the weight out.

12 stone 4 lb on 2nd January.  Have lost 4lbs already.  I don’t want to be super slim - crikey no, I like my cleavage too much for that.  Nah 10 1/2 would be a dream! 

I’m enjoying life again and I want to live to be an old lady with a hat with fruit on it!